a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
