I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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