I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
