what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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