Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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