Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
