I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will pee on everything he values.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
