Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
