Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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