The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
