I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This toilet bowl is my home.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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