he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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