a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
