i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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