Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
