You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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