Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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