man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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