i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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