Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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