I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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