So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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