remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
