Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
