I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
