Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
