p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
