He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
