You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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