omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
