GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
