He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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