He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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