i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
