I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
