Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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