she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
