And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
