its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I party with great urgency now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.