glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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