And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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