I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Holy sore nipples Batman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
