yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want her autograph on my taint
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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