I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
