i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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