sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
