the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
