i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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