do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
