you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
