I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
