I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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