I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
