Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
