Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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