How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
