i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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