Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
