This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize