u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
