remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
