just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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