oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
