I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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