I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
